Don't become a doormat

We live in a society where the dating game has changed. Women think they need to pick up the tab, cater to their man, be at his beck and call, and sacrifice in order to be in a relationship. Well, I think that’s a bunch of crap.

A close relative of mine was recently broken up with by her boyfriend, and as she filled me in on the inner workings of what went on in their relationship I was completely shocked. She shared that she picked up the bill on dates, bought him an endless number of gifts, cooked extravagant meals for him, and even paid to put gas in his car!

Again, I was in shock as I heard all of that and tried my best to not turn from consoling cousin to opinionated woman.

Ladies! Please look in the mirror. See how beautiful you are, recognize the countless number of qualities that make you special and valuable. You are PRICELESS and deserve to be treated as such. When you don’t acknowledge your value yourself, you open yourself up to being treated as invaluable by your partner. Which of course leads to a growing number of women thinking that all men are bad and unworthy of their time. That’s completely not true.

Chivalry is not dead and all gentlemen are not extinct. When you value yourself you will attract men into your life who will value you too.

I don’t think you need to cater to your man. And I sure as heck don’t think you should be picking up the tab (sure there are exceptions to this, but if a man asks you on a date, he should be paying). A relationship is a two-way street. Two people who genuinely have each other’s best interest at heart and seek to better each other’s lives. Don’t fall into the trap of catering to a man and doting on him all the while he shirks his end of the deal.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to value yourself when you enter the dating pool. You will save yourself so much heartache and won’t waste your time with unworthy suitors. 

Wanderlust

Since our trip to Niagara Falls, I have developed a small case of Wanderlust.

The list of places I want to see has more than doubled and I am fantasizing about what travelling the world would be like.

I feel like travel is so important. And I also think it’s important to take a trip on some level every year. Maybe it’s camping on the opposite side of your home state, a road trip a to a pre-chosen destination, or if you are lucky enough, a dream trip across the country or even the world.

The reason I feel travel is important, is it gives you a chance to escape the monotonous routine that we all fall into. It breaks up the pattern of your life and reminds you that there is so much more out there. I think that if you don’t mix it up every once in a while, you forget that there is so much going on outside of your comfortable bubble and it makes you less likely to take the time to travel.

I love to travel. Seeing new places, meeting new people, and experiencing life in a different part of the world is exciting to me. And I am so lucky that Josh feels the same way.

Together we want to travel the 50 states and visit all of the NFL stadiums (it’s that love of football we share). We also want to take big trips out of the country to see different parts of the world. We loved our trips to warmer places near the Equator, and would love to expand our experiences into Europe and various parts of Canada.

One of our goals this year, despite the fact that we already took our Road Trip to see the Falls, is to take a late “Honeymoon” trip. We haven’t chosen where or when yet, but hopefully this Fall we will be jet setting to another incredible destination.

Travel is a healthy part of life, and something I hope we always make time for.

Plumbing

There is never a dull moment in the Greatsinger Abode, and today is no exception. You never realize how often you flip on the sink, flush a toilet, or just generally use water until you no longer can.

I will spare you the specifics, mainly because it is freaking me out, and just say that we are having a plumbing problem. (GROSS).

Thankfully, our apartment complex has the greatest and promptest maintenance men I’ve ever seen.  Unfortunately, today they aren’t as prompt as I would have liked and this plumbing issue has seriously cut into some of my plans.

I had just finished working out when I discovered that there was a problem, so that meant, no shower (yay me!). My plan was also to clean the apartment: wash floors, wipe down sinks, vacuum, etc. But you can’t very well do much of that without water. So I have been patiently waiting, hoping that maintenance is close to fixing the problem.

The time I have been waiting has allowed me time to reflect. Josh and I are incredibly blessed. We live in a beautiful city, have a wonderful marriage, a vehicle, roof over our head, food in our fridge, running water and more.

Not everyone is blessed with all of that, and some people are plagued with problems that I can’t even comprehend.

It’s not every day that you are humbled by your situation and reminded of the many blessings that flow into your life. This inconvenient plumbing problem has reminded me that I need to be grateful for the incredible life I have been blessed with and not take it for granted. It has also reminded me that given the opportunity, I need to be willing to help others and bless their lives.

Taking inventory of my life, I know that I am blessed beyond measure, and I’m disappointed it took an inconvenient plumbing problem to remember that.

So, don’t take things for granted. Look around and enjoy this beautiful day.

Accepting Jesus

Yesterday was Easter Sunday and in the Christian faith it’s a time to reflect on the sacrifice Jesus Christ made on the cross and celebrate the incredible miracle of Him overcoming the grave. It is because of this amazing event that we are able to be in relationship with God and have our sins forgiven. So today I decided that I want to share with you my faith journey.

My early religious experiences were in the Catholic Church. I was baptized as an infant, attended CCD, made my First Communion, and attended mass.

Over the years, the Catholic Church no longer fit into our family’s life and we attended less and less. When I was in Junior High my mom received a post card from a new church and was intrigued enough to take us one Sunday. I don’t exactly know how it happened, but our family became members or this brand new Non-Denominational Church that was meeting in a school. Definitely not what we were accustomed to.

This new church had everything: relevant services, kid’s ministries, adult small groups, social events, and more. My brothers and I loved the kids’ stuff, and my parents got involved. There was just something awesome about this church. We loved going, made friends, and actually learned about the Bible.

I was at the mid-week youth ministry one week, and that is where everything changed. Like I said, I attended plenty of things growing up, and had a pretty good understanding of faith and the Bible, but I was about to have my world changed.

The woman who taught the lesson that night talked about accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. That was a concept I had never heard before. I knew Jesus died for us, but this woman was talking about an actual relationship with Him. It was a concept I had never heard, but it was something that I really wanted. I wanted Jesus to come into my life and work through me. I wanted to have a relationship with Him and I wanted to expand my faith.

I was in 6^th grade at the time and when we broke into our small group sessions after hearing the woman talk about accepting Christ, our leader offered to pray with us so that we could do just that.

I was excited, and wanted nothing more. So that night, I followed along as she prayed and accepted Jesus myself. It was a pivotal moment in my life and easily the greatest decision I have ever made. 

Niagara Falls Road Trip

There is nothing like vacation. I absolutely love to get away from the day-to-day routine every once in a while to explore and experience different things.

Josh and I are big on vacations, and are lucky to have been able to do a trip each year beginning in the latter part of our dating relationship. These trips ranged from cabins in the North Woods with family or company incentive trips to places like Mexico and the Bahamas. One trip that we have been talking about doing from years is a road trip, and we finally made that happen.

When I heard that they were going to begin construction on Niagara Falls to repair one of the bridges, I decided we needed to go there. I mapped it out, estimated the cost, and presented the idea to Josh. (I’m the planner, he’s not). After a couple months of figuring out if we could afford to take the trip and when we could go, we settled on going over his Spring Break.

This past Monday, Josh and I loaded up the car and headed North. Our plan was to drive up through Canada and then back home through the States. We figured that would give us the opportunity to see so much more than if we took the same route.

The trip was AMAZING and one that I highly recommend. We got to see Ontario, the Great Lakes, Niagara Falls, Clifton Hill, wineries, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, and a million things along the way. It was a wonderful opportunity for Josh and I to get away from all the things that are currently on our plate and connect as a couple. There is nothing like being in the car for hours on top of hours, talking, laughing, and bonding. And the things we were able to see and experience together were incredible.

If you are given the opportunity to experience this trip, take it! 

Turn Around

Today I listened to a call for work, and the topic was “The Turn Around.” Which basically references that stage in life when you are going through a lull and need to get back on track.

It was a very timely call. I have been feeling kind of stuck lately, and I really needed to hear what was said. It was especially great because I will be able to apply what I learned to my non-work life as well as work.

Have you ever hit a point where you felt stuck? When you feel like the things you are doing aren’t getting you anywhere, or you aren’t even really sure which direction to go in?

It’s a tough place to be. No one likes to feel like they don’t know what to do, and it can be incredibly frustrating.

Our speaker listed out several points to help work through those times.

-          It’s Normal to hit these points

-          Accept where you are, don’t be stuck on where you used to be

-          Trust the activity of moving forward, not your feelings

-          Use a system of growth, don’t rely on instincts

The one that hit home for me the most was trusting the activity and not feelings. For me it’s incredibly easy to get stuck on how I feel and not even want to put in the activity.

While all the tips are great, I know that I need to rely on God to guide my life. I know that He will open doors for me and give me the direction I need.

Daily Habits

I’ve talked before about those goofy articles, “Random number of things to do before specific life milestone…” I think those articles are ridiculous and don’t hold merit.

Every individual has been given their own desires and goals, as well as a timeline that is perfect to accomplish it. I don’t believe that there is set list of things that need to be done before you hit certain milestones in life, and you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself if you haven’t done certain things or don’t even want to.

It’s healthy to march to the beat of your own drum, and fulfill the different, God-given desires for your life.

With that being said, I do think that there are some daily things you can do (should you choose) that are beneficial to your life and can ultimately help you achieve the things you desire. Now, this list isn’t like one of those articles, it’s simply my opinion and the things that I do daily. If you like how they sound, feel free to implement them in your life. If they don’t, no worries. Everyone is different and you are entitled to that.

1.)    Quiet time with God. I choose to do this twice a day. The first time I do it is right after I wake up and brush my teeth. I grab my Bible, read some Chapters (I’m currently working through Isaiah) and do a day out of my devotional book (Implementing the Scriptures in Your Prayer by Stormie Omartian). The second time is my prayer journaling time. I’ve got a journal that I use specifically for my prayers, and I will just take some time to share with God the things on my heart and thank Him for all He blesses us with.

2.)    Working Out. I love to get my heart rate up and work up a sweat. After my morning Bible time, I head downstairs to the workout room in our apartment building. Working out has always been a great way for me to clear my head, and the health benefits are pretty great too of course.

3.)    Time with your spouse/significant other. This can look like different things for different couples. Obviously, not everyone can be together every day, but a phone call works. Those that do live together, dedicate time each day to talk. Bonus points if you can share a meal together.

4.)    Down time. With the amount of work and stressed pulling on us in this day and age, we often forget to spend time doing relaxing activities, but it’s so important to give yourself some “me time.” Grab a book, watch something on TV, do something crafty, etc. Just don’t neglect yourself.

Authentic Friends

Authentic friends are a rare commodity. 

You know the type. They know your deepest fears, your darkest secrets, your dreams, your passions, your goals for the future, and they are there supporting you every step of the way. Their friendship enhances your life and is a true blessing from God. They celebrate your successes, and comfort you during your struggles. They are what my mom would consider a “fox hole buddy,” someone who is there through the good and bad and has your back.

Friends in general are not hard to come by. 

Finding someone to eat food with, bar hop, see movies, and just generally spend time with isn’t a difficult task. Generally, all you need is to have something in common and you can pretty much develop a friendship.

But those relationships don’t even begin to scratch the service of a relationship with a truly authentic friend. It’s said that having a truly great friend in life is a blessing, and I know that to be true.

I feel like over the course of my life I have been blessed to know really great people and for the most part, but I can’t say that each phase of my life has blessed me with someone I could consider truly authentic. However, from each relationship I have gained a clearer understanding of what it means to have and to be an authentic friend.

And I think that is the key. In order to have an authentic friend, I think you need to be one. So I have made it my goal to make sure I am authentic, because if I can’t be, how can I expect someone else to be?

Obedient to God's Timing

God is working wonders in my life right now. There are so many things that are up in the air right now for Josh and I, that without Him, I would be a psychotic mess.

You see, I am type A. I like to get things handled as quickly as possible. I do not like loose ends or being patient. As far as I am concerned, I cannot relax until everything is taken care of. My wonderful husband on the other hand is not wired that way. He is fine with taking his time and letting the chips lay where they fall. He has always had this ability to just trust that everything would work out exactly how it’s supposed to.

I for years have wanted to feel that way, but since that isn’t how I am wired, it has been a real struggle. And often, it was a struggle that I would lose. I wasn’t content sitting back and waiting, if I could do anything in my power to handle a situation I would.

So right now in our life, we are on the horizon of moving. It’s a daunting process and I’ve talked many times about it before. The big thing on the agenda is to find a place to live, and that has been driving me crazy, and in turn, my husband.

I hate the idea that we are moving in 2 months and don’t have a place picked. It’s stressing me out.

But, I have decided that I am going to trust that God’s plan is going to be perfect for us and that He already has things in motion to bless us with a new home.

Sure enough, after the last 2 or so weeks of prayer and searching for a new place, Josh and I got an amazing lead on one! I was so excited when we got the call, and I just know that it’s because God is opening doors for us, and we are being obedient to His timing.

I know that God has a time for everything and I know that by being obedient to that we will be greatly blessed in the long run.  I encourage you to bring before God the big and the little things that are occurring in your life right now, and trust Him to guide you.

Books and Development

On Monday I decided to take a trip to our local Family Christian Bookstore. I’ve mentioned before that I am struggling with the people-pleaser part of me, so I decided that I wanted to seek out help from a Christian resource.

I haven’t been much of a reader lately, but I know that there are some areas in my life that I would like refined, so I figured there is no better place to start that the Christian bookstore.

One of the books I wanted was “Let God’s Word Empower Your Prayers,” by Stormie Omartian. I had picked up a copy the week before as a gift, and didn’t even think that I would want one too. But of course I spent the next week wishing I had it, so I decided to get my own. It’s a great book of daily devotions, each being only about a page long, that tackles the different ways to incorporate scripture in your prayers. (I’m about 4 days in, and it’s wonderful).

The next book I wanted was for that people-pleaser in me. I spent some time online looking up books on the topic and settled on one by Joyce Meyer. (If you haven’t heard her preach or read anything by her, I highly recommend it).

The title of the book is, “The Approval Fix” and I knew after reading the little excerpt online that it was going to be exactly what I needed. Unfortunately, my desire to not have to wait for it to ship to me was met with having to do exactly that because Family Christian didn’t have it in stock. (The woman who helped me said they can’t keep anything Joyce writes on the shelf, her stuff is crazy popular!)

Reading and continuing to better yourself is important. I think that there is always room for growth, and if you want to adjust a part of yourself or refine it, taking a book out on the topic is the way to go.

Happy Reading!

3-4 years...

Last night I was scrolling through Pinterest and came across an interesting statement. It said that in order to really know a person you have to have known them for 3-4 years. And that if you take that time to get to know someone prior to being married you have a better chance of your marriage lasting.

Well, first of all, that was interesting to think about. I believe that it does take serious time to get to know someone and that it is important to take that time, especially if you are considering marrying the person. 

Josh and I dated for 5 years before we got engaged and knew each other for a year prior to that. Now it wasn’t in our plan to wait that long but that’s kind of just how it ended up. And I am grateful for that. I do feel that we have an incredible relationship and understanding of one another and that kind of stuff takes time. So for us, the time spent dating was important to our story.

But I want to tackle the part of that original statement that I don’t agree with.

I do not believe that if you didn’t wait the 3-4 years that your marriage is going to fail. I firmly believe that if you want your marriage to last that it will. For a marriage to end is a choice, and people who knew each other for less than 3 years or more than 3 years can all make the decision to end their marriages.

What it boils down to is the importance you place on your marriage when you enter into it. If you take divorce off the table and commit to placing everything you have into your marriage and ask God to help you, I believe you will have a long and happy marriage. Obviously, there will be times of struggle but, if you don’t enter marriage thinking there is a way out, you will be able to survive anything.

Another move on the horizon

My husband and I are moving again. That’s right, it’ll be 3 moves in less than a year. Woo.

He was offered a job at a law firm about an hour north of Milwaukee, so we will be relocating after he finishes school. Come the end of May we will be on to our next adventure.

When I was younger I used to dream about finding an apartment or house, someplace that I could call my own. Well, now that I am doing exactly that, I realize just how horrible the process truly is.

There is nothing fun about pouring over websites and home listings. Especially if you want any kind of say in the place. While there may be over a hundred places listed in any given area, as soon as you plug in your criteria (for us: dog friendly, washer/dryer in-unit, 2+ bed, 2 bath) the search narrows down to 5 if you are lucky. For me it’s a stressful and frustrating experience.

Thankfully, I am not in this on my own.

Josh is way more patient and has a much more positive outlook on our ability to find a place we will love. So I have decided that I need to take this obstacle and use it to practice allowing him to lead.

I need to give up my desperate need to figure things out the instant they come up, and trust that my husband is going to handle it. And I know that he will. So I am going to instead, focus on helping him in the search process as much as I can, and try my absolute best to not stress. I will follow his lead, and in the end God will guide us to be exactly where we are meant to.

Plus…. This will give me plenty of time to contemplate furniture, decorations, and the rest of the fun stuff. 

Spring Cleaning

The weather is finally changing! According to this week’s forecast, we should hover around the 60’s! For those of you in warm climates year round, this is exciting news for those of us who have been trudging through snow and slush with frozen noses for the last several months.

There is the tradition that as Spring approaches people take the time to go through closets, drawers, and cabinets to clean out the junk that has accumulated over the winter. Spring cleaning is a project I thoroughly enjoy, and think it should be done more often than just when the weather turns. (I love clean and organized home!)

This tradition of cleaning out the messy and gross part of our home has gotten me thinking.

Shouldn’t we take the time to clean out the messy and gross parts that have accumulated in our lives?

I think that answer to that is a resounding, YES!

I think that while it is important to take inventory of the state your home is in, it should be of greater importance to take inventory of the state you yourself is in.

Taking the time to evaluate where you are at and recognizing areas that maybe aren’t super healthy is a great way to start making the necessary changes.

I shared in yesterday’s post that I am a people-pleaser. That is one of the things about myself I discovered while taking inventory of the state of my mind and heart. And I fully intend to make the changes I need in order to enhance who I am as a person and not be weighed down by the desire to please others.

I believe that as I continue to reflect on the things and circumstances in my life, I will be able to refine them and in turn clean out the junk that I have allowed to seep in.

So enjoy this time of renewal and while you dig through the junk in your home, don’t neglect your mind and heart.

People Pleasing

I am a people pleaser. And at this point in my life this trait, that I never really noticed before, is driving me crazy. I am in a constant struggle trying to make sure the people I care about are happy with the choices I am making. And if I am really honest with myself, there are many times that I even give more consideration to the people I’m not fond of than I do myself.

I began having the epiphany that I am a people pleaser around a month or two ago, actually it probably got to be really obvious around the holidays. There was so much going on and it felt like there was a decision to be made for every moment and often times there was conflicting options. Which stresses me out because I hate telling people no. I have this fear that my “no” will cause them to be mad or disappointed, even if it’s over something small.

It's gotten to the point that I can recognize myself changing my behavior before anything even happens because I anticipate the most negative of responses to my decisions.

That is obviously no way to live and I am on a quest to stop being a people pleaser. I am afraid that if I don’t make the change now I will never be able to make decisions for myself based off of my needs or wants. I will always be drawn to the choice that makes someone else happy with me.

What I really need to do, is be able to please God. I need to make sure my decisions are in live with His plan for my life and stop putting other people above Him. At the end of the day, that will be the only way I will truly be able to stop please people. I need God to be my first priority.

So I am making the effort. I have adjusted my prayers and am diving into books on the topic. This week I should be getting Joyce Meyer’s book, “The Approval Fix,” and I cannot wait to get started. I know that my efforts will not be in vain and God will deliver me from the trap that is “people pleasing.”

If you struggle with my need to get your approval from others, I want to encourage you to go on your own journey to freeing yourself from this struggle. No one should have to live their life walking on egg shells in an attempt to make another happy.

Taking care of yourself

Have you seen the show, Parks & Rec? To be honest, my first impression of the show wasn’t great but Josh enjoyed it so I gave it a chance and it is actually really funny.

If you have seen the show you more than likely are aware of the characters Tom and Donna. These two individuals have a day set aside every year that they call, “Treat Yo Self.”

I’ve seen the episode several times and today it got me thinking.

The first thing that came to mind was, WE SHOULD DO THIS! Of course on a less expensive and lavish level, but we should set aside a day to really take care of ourselves. The people I know generally spend more time focusing on the needs of others than taking care of themselves. This practice is of course selfless, but can lead to harming yourself in the long run. It’s important to have a balance between caring for your own needs and those of the ones you love.

By setting aside a day each year to do just that, I think it would be a great way to recharge and get into a great head-space to continue caring for your loved ones.

The next thought I had was, WHY SHOULD IT ONLY BE ONCE A YEAR? It is so important to meet your own needs that by limiting yourself to a single day out of 365 just isn’t enough. I think that making time for yourself on a regular basis should become a routine.

Now, in the show their day is focused on buying things they want, taking salon visits, and other lavish things, which are awesome. But treating yourself could be as simple as taking 30 minutes to read a book you’ve been putting off, or grabbing that ice cream cone you’ve been craving but refusing to cave in on. The simple and loved things in life are great and make life more enjoyable. Every once in a while I think it’s important to allow yourself to do something you would enjoy.

Submission

Something that God has laid on my heart is to become a submissive wife. 

Now before you react like the term submissive is foul, it’s important to understand why being a submissive wife is important and what that even looks like. To be honest, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be working on myself to become submissive. I have a lot of opinions and I always believed that being submissive would mean being someone’s doormat, and that was not something I was into.

But, like I said, God has put it on my heart to make the change. So I have spent a considerable amount of time researching what that meant because the term “submissive” has a bad rap and I wanted to have a solid understanding.

I read Bible passages (1 Peter 3:1-6, Colossians 3:18, etc), articles by top Christian leaders, and I still didn’t understand. In fact, a lot of the articles I read were conflicting and confusing. One actually made me cry because they walked through “the day in the life of a submissive wife,” and it was horrible. They portrayed the wife to be completely at the beck and call of her husband and her only purpose in life was to ensure he was never stressed. It freaked me out and I thought that if that was what I was being called to do, I would surely fail on an hourly basis.

Thankfully, I have been able to find other sources that break down the good ideals that come from being submissive and weeds out the bad ones.

It turns out that God’s design for marriage is for the man to be the head of the household and when a woman, much like myself, doesn’t submit the marriage can suffer. And that is simply because if the wife takes over the role of her husband, she will grow to resent his inability to lead and he will not know his place.

Now submission does not mean not having an opinion or any influence.

From what I have learned, being a submissive wife means that I am the helper of my husband. It is my responsibility to share my thoughts on things with my husband and help him make decisions. I am my husband’s partner. I am not called to bulldoze him and take over control of our household. I am called to work together with him and ultimately encourage him.

Granted, this is an on-going shift in thinking for me, and a topic I am still trying to completely grasp. But I believe that if it is God’s design for our marriage, it will beautiful.

Prayer Journals

My spiritual life is very important to me. I am a Christian and am actively trying to live my life according to what the Bible teaches.

I’ve mentioned before that I have not been super great at bringing my concerns and problems to God because I have a natural tendency to take care of things on my own. And after many emotional and trying times, I have come to realization that I need God to intervene in my life way more often than I ever imagined.

Upon that realization I decided that I needed to get my prayer life in check. At that time, I was only praying if I remembered and that wasn’t very often. So I decided to work prayer into my routine so that it would become second nature to me. I figured that praying before bed would help ease my mind and relax me, so I chose that to be my prayer time.

As you can imagine, that didn’t work out well for me. Most of the time I would go to bed without remembering to pray and on the nights that I did remember, I would fall asleep mid prayer or lose my train of thought. It was basically an all-out failure.

I knew that bettering my prayer life was going to be crucial to my relationship with God and would ultimately bring me closer to Him, so I was not willing to give up.

For as long as I can remember, I have had a love of writing. I have started short stories, novels, this blog, and my fair share of journals. So I made the choice to combine my love of writing with my prayers. I got an old notebook that I hadn’t even begun to use and made it my prayer journal.

In the beginning it was incredibly difficult for me to remember to use my prayer journal, and I eventually would make time for it in my daily planner so that I wouldn’t forget. But as I continued to get better at using it, I realized that I was actually starting to seek it out, outside of my scheduled prayer time.

Now, I (just about) daily write down my prayers to God. It keeps me focused and engaged and the act of writing allows my brain to completely communicate my thoughts with God in a way I was unable to do when I wasn’t using the journal. Plus, there is the added bonus of being able to go back into your old prayers and see where God has given you answers.

It’s an amazing experience.

Of course, this is just my experience and personal preference. If enhancing your walk with God is on your priority list, take some time and find a way that works for you. Understand that there will be trial and error, but your diligence will pay off.