Engagment

It was October 3, 2014 and I was up in Madison visiting Josh. The weekend before I planned a date for us, so this weekend it was Josh’s turn. We spent the day pretty relaxed in his apartment, watching movies and catching up, and of course I was grilling him about when he might decide to put a ring on it.

He kept saying things like, “soon” or “I’m in the process of looking at rings.” Well ladies, those two phrases don’t mean the same thing. If you haven’t picked out a ring yet, that means it won’t be soon. So I was super frustrated. I think if I heard him say “soon” one more time I would have lost it. Especially since that had been his favorite word to use in this discussion for the entire previous year. Since I wasn’t happy, I was being kind of a brat and truthfully didn’t care about anything else.

When the time rolled around for us to start the date Josh planned, we ate dinner in his apartment and then he grabbed this duffle bag and off we went. We walked towards the school, and it was dark and pretty quiet. On the top of Bascom Hill he opened his duffle and laid out a blanket. From where we were sitting we could see all the way down State St. to the Capitol. It was gorgeous.

He explained to me that since one of our favorite things to do was lay out on the deck at my house to look at the stars, this was the next best thing. We sat there talking about our memories, shared funny stories, and discussed where we wanted to be in the future. He reached into the duffle again and pulled out two Cokes and Sour Patch Kids, my two favorite things.

As the conversation continued the temperature dropped so we decided to head in. Josh threw the blankets in the duffle and I started toward the apartment.

He called me back to him, and hugged me.

Then he started saying all kinds of beautiful things, and the one that sticks out the most was him saying he feels at home when he is with me. He then let go of me, got down on one knee and said, “I spoke to your father…. Will you marry me?”

Shock is kind of an understatement for that moment. I couldn’t believe it was actually happening. I was ecstatic and couldn’t find the words. (Of course I said yes). He stood back up and placed the most beautiful ring on my hand. His voice was shaky, and we both just enjoyed the moment.

It was absolutely perfect.

Life stages

Have you ever realized that each stage of your life comes with new relational obstacles?

Yesterday I realized that it is very likely that Josh and I will be friends with a couple whose marriage ends in divorce. That is INSANE to consider. One day we could be having a double date, talking about kids, and then the next they are no longer together! Chances are we will then have to figure out how to remain friends with them, but more likely will only get to be friends with one, if that even!

This kind of dilemma is prefaced by, dating break-ups, un-matched crushes, and more. But the fact that in our near future we could actually have to deal with friends divorcing is so much scarier.

It’s like this life stage comes with so much more finality. Things aren’t as easy as saying good-bye. There is legal paperwork, insurances, shared bank accounts, and maybe even kids. This life stage is not for the weak at heart.  I pray that the people in our life choose to continue pressing on in marriage instead of seeking a divorce.

That’s a crazy thought process I know, especially since we are the only ones married in our circle of friends right now, but it’s been on my mind. 

We NEVER fight.

“We never fight.”

In my dating years, I would hear this from different friends of mine as they talked about their relationships. Now that I am married, and honestly more confident, I believe that statement is a complete joke.

When Josh and I were dating, and my friends would say that they never fought with their boyfriends, it made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Were Josh and I not right for each other? Was I too hot-headed?

With the people around us saying that they never fought, I really believed something was off about our relationship.

Thankfully, over time I began to understand that nothing was wrong with us. Our disagreements or fights stemmed from us being different people. We had different upbringings and see things in a completely different light. When we disagreed or had a problem, that was (and still is) totally normal. Our relationship isn’t broken because we don’t see everything through the same lenses.

The fights and disagreements that we had early in our relationship were a part of our “growing pains.” We were 17 years old when we met, and only 18 when we started dating. Just two kids trying to figure out ourselves and balance a relationship. We didn’t understand each other, or know how to effectively communicate. Throw in my passion and our combined stubbornness, of course there were going to be bumps in the road! And yes, sometimes the fights were bad and took a lot of energy to solve and forgive. But each and every time Josh and I got into a disagreement, we were able to learn something about ourselves and each other.

Those ugly moments helped us to build a concrete base for our relationship. We are 100% authentic in our communication and don’t shy away from having the tough talks now because we have learned how to communicate, even when we don’t see eye to eye.

I am so blessed to be able to verbalize my opinions and thoughts to Josh knowing that even if he doesn’t share my view we will be able to come to an understanding.  I can’t imagine our relationship being any different. Sometimes the ugly things strengthen your relationship, I know it did for us.

It almost makes me sick to think about being in a relationship where there is never a disagreement. (Probably because I have strong opinions and get very passionate). How is that even possible? Is one person submissive on every single topic? That isn’t healthy. People are different, that’s what is so beautiful about life. Hiding your thoughts to avoid a disagreement is dumb. I think that if you want a healthy relationship you have to be able to discuss everything, good, bad, or indifferent.

Fighting isn’t a problem, and over the course of a relationship the “fights” change. They may start out like dramatic high school girls fights, but as you mature you will be able to have disagreements where the tone isn’t mean, and the volume doesn’t increase.

Your relationship is not broken if you fight. As long as you can walk away from each disagreement with a new understanding of yourself and each other, and commit to communicating better in the future, you will be fine.

The rough times Josh and I had early on have now allowed us to rarely have issues. Even when things pop up, we talk about it without getting fired up. Healthy communication is a process, keep working at it, and you will be fine.

(I want to add this side note: My definition of fighting does NOT include verbal abuse or physical contact. Those are abusive circumstances that are unhealthy and should have no place in anyone’s relationship. If you are experiencing these things, please seek help.)

Groceries & Budgeting

Why is it that no matter what, money is SUPER stressful to talk about?

Last night, Josh began reviewing our budget and we are currently at the end of our grocery allowance. Now, being the one who does the shopping, I am fully aware of that. Josh on the other hand, not so much.

I know that our grocery budget was put 100% towards meals that will take us through till the end of the month. Yes I know that sounds crazy, but I am really good at meal planning. So hearing that our grocery budget is gone does not stress me out. I already know what I have in stock, and what I can make. For Josh, it is stressful knowing the grocery budget is spent.

He wants us to start shopping once a week instead of one giant trip per month. My thoughts on that is it will be super easy to go over budget if you are at the store every week. So right now, we don’t have an effective plan.

He then brought to my attention that while I am great at meal planning, we tend to run out of supplies for lunches and breakfast mid-month. True. In fact, I often neglect those meals when I am planning to shop.

Creating an effective budget for groceries is difficult, especially during this time when Josh is in school and I am the only one bringing in a consistent check.

I know that this penny-pinching time will end, and we will be so much wiser with our money for it, but I would love to not be stressed out about it too.

Does anyone have any better ideas for staying on budget with groceries? I am open to anything!

Proud big sis

I am a proud big sister! God blessed me with two incredible little brothers. There are no words to describe how much those two young men mean to me, and today I want to blow them up.

So I will start with the older of the two, Nolan. Nolan is in his last year of college at Eastern Kentucky University. He is majoring in Political Science, and if I am up to date, he also will be getting a minor in Econ. Nolan is also a huge history buff, if you have a questions about anything, I would bet he has the answer. I truly believe that he is the smartest person I know. I so admire his knowledge and his passion for the things he is interested in. Something else that is cool about Nolan is he is active in the things he cares about. He has an insane draw to politics and takes an active role in the community by aiding in campaigns. Nolan inspires me to learn and develop my own opinions on the state of our government. I believe he will end up working in the government and implementing important changes.

Aside from the exterior things about Nolan, he has a true heart of gold. I swear I don’t think he has a mean bone in his body. He would do anything for his family and friends. Even when Nolan and I aren’t getting along, he never says anything to intentionally hurt me. He has this amazing ability to stay level-headed. I so admire his personality. He truly has this gentle spirit and is such a blessing to me.

The youngest is Aidan. At 16 years old, he is driving cars, dating girls, and pursuing sports. Of the three of us, Aidan is by far the most athletic. He plays basketball and baseball. It is so much fun watching him develop as an athlete. It's not so fun when he can out shoot you on the basketball court! Haha! With the athletic life, comes the social life. I swear he is never around and is always going a million different directions. He fills his time with practices, games, weight-lifting, and hanging out with friends. Aidan has more going on in his life now than I ever have! I believe that Aidan will go far as an athlete and is in an amazing position to influence those around him for the positive.

Aidan is also the comedian of our family. That kid could have his own stand-up act. He is quick-witted and able to make jokes at the drop of a hat. There is rarely a time that he doesn’t have us laughing. Sometimes the things he says push the envelope, but it wouldn’t be the same to have him mellow out. He blesses me as well with the goofy person he is.

My brothers and I are different in almost every sense of the word, yet somehow the three of us have this unbelievable relationship. I think that since the three of us are so different we complement each other really well. I love those two guys so much and would do anything for them. Seeing who they are growing into makes me so proud. I love my little brothers!

(From left to right: Aidan, Me, Josh, Nolan)

Who am I?

Have you ever struggled with the question, “Who am I?” Lately, I have been pondering this question and frustrated by my inability to come up with an answer.

I do not want to be defined by my career, or any various relationship. I am more than just a wife, daughter, sister, and entrepreneur. Yet, I am unable to come up with a definition that fits, and makes me feel complete.

Yesterday in particular, I was really struggling with the question, and truthfully it was starting to make me upset. So I decided to journal. The act of writing the thoughts as they flow through my head, at times has been able to help me figure out the things I was struggling with.

My journal isn’t typical like it used to be. I don’t write line by line like I used to. Instead I turn the journal at various points, and let the flow of my thoughts dictate how I write on the page. Yesterday I wrote “WHO AM I?” in purple pen in the center of the page. Then I spent some time filling in the empty space, turning the direction I wrote based on concluding thoughts.

I was amazed by this exercise.

It began with me almost unable to form a sentence, but ended with me actually finding the answer I was searching for.

“Who am I?” is a question that can only be answered by the Creator. God is the only one who can give me a definition that is fulfilling. I will never feel satisfied by my career title, the titles I am given by those around me, or even the ones society gives out. God is the only one who can search the depths of my soul and provide me with a fulfilling answer to the question I am unable to let go of.

Pretty amazing what can happen when you open up your thoughts and just spend some time wading through your ideas. God will meet you where you are at, and it’s amazing when that happens.

Negative

Today I want to leave you with a short blurb:

Several people in my life have decided to “clean house” in the relationships department of their lives. They have decided to no longer allow themselves to be surrounded by negative people who bring junk into their lives.

Of course ending, or gradually ending, relationships takes a toll no matter what the reason. Even if the person wasn’t good to you, it will still be hard to see them move on from you and forge new friendships. That’s probably because you already know the type of person they are, and it’s hard seeing someone get duped into a new friendship with a not so great person.

You are weeding out the negative. In order for that to be possible, someone else has to step in to tolerate it so you can step aside.

Take inventory on the relationships in your life. If anyone is pulling you down, maybe you need to excuse them from being in your circle of friends.