Pick up the phone!

Something has been weighing on my mind recently and I feel the need to discuss it. Technology is destroying relationships. Ok, maybe that is a harsh statement, but technology is at the very least making relationships harder.

I am so thankful that Josh and I got together at the beginning of the texting/Facebook boom because all of that was still too new to completely interfere. Were there times it did, of course, but it was still natural for us to just pick up the phone instead of message. Still, if I were to look back, I could probably peg 80% of our disagreements or fights being caused or fueled by technology.

Technology makes it easier to say things that would be difficult in person, and feelings are not easily conveyed over a message. So if you are feeling sad, mad, frustrated or whatever, those feelings are going to be how you interpret the messages you receive. Even if those feelings were not included by the sender. So by you trying to interpret things on your own you are influencing yourself into thinking the other person meant something they probably didn’t. So now the sender has to defend themselves, but you’re already mad so here comes an issue in your relationship.

PICK UP THE PHONE! Let the other person hear your voice and the emotional inflections you intend to share. Don’t rely on a stupid text to convey that.

The other statement I made about technology making things easier to say than they would be in person is another issue. Sure, you can open up over texts and tell the other person things about yourself and get to a deep level, but evaluate that. Are the things you are willing to say in a message things that you can have an open conversation about? Are you truly comfortable with this person, or are you fooling yourself into thinking you are?

I see it a lot in the relationships around me. A couple barely talks when they are together, but supposedly they are super close. Being close requires vulnerability face to face. Sharing with another person your wants, dreams, fears verbally and inviting them to better understand you. Anyone can spew information in a message and then look back later and deny the context or pretend they weren’t serious. If you connect with someone on a person to person level, you cannot deny that connection, it’s not something you can hide from. That is what truly makes you connect with someone, being equally vulnerable.

So get out from behind that screen, dial the number, and talk. It’s such a fundamental skill, and we take it for granted. If you truly value the relationship you are in, I believe you will make the effort to talk. Even if it’s uncomfortable at first, try it. You’ll see that your communication will improve and you will truly be able to connect.