It's more than the initial butterflies

Love is so much more than a feeling. Love is a choice that needs to get made every single day. The butterflies will fade and the initial excitement will as well. It’s a natural progression that can at times leave people with lots of uncertainty.

I think that people get a lot of preconceived notions about love.

I dated Josh for 5 years before getting engaged and that incredible amount of time allowed us both to realize the progression of love for ourselves. Of course in the beginning we had the stereotypical excitement. The butterflies and the nerves of being in a new relationship is fun. Then as the years stacked up, the feelings changed. The butterflies faded away and the love deepened.

With this phase it’s easy to let your mind wander and think that your relationship is abnormal. I mean seriously, with Hollywood movies making it look like love is always butterflies and giggles, of course you may think something is wrong.

When Josh and I hit this phase it was a little scary and it manifested itself in different ways at different times. Josh actually recognized it in himself first and then I did probably a year or so later.

We were the only ones in our group of friends who were in serious long-term relationships so there would be moments where we would wonder if “the grass was greener.” Were we missing out on being single and free in our college years, was there someone out there who “better understood” our career paths? Witnessing some of the things our friends got to do made us wonder, especially since our relationship didn’t carry the same excitement it did in the beginning.

Josh like I said, recognized this phase first and I am so glad he did. When I got around to feeling and thinking all of these things, the guilt was overwhelming. I loved Josh and didn’t understand why I felt like that. Thankfully we are both super honest and open so I brought my thoughts and concerns to him and he was amazing. He reassured me that he had felt the same way, but realized it was OK to wonder and that he realized the things that looked appealing were nothing compared to what we had.

And that is exactly the experience I had. The things that were making me uneasy were not things that I ultimately wanted in my life, they were just things that would carry with them the “new excitement” I had originally had with Josh. I realized that what I had with Josh in this present moment was more important to me than a sudden rush of “newness.”  That our relationship had matured and that while the newness was gone, we were still amazing for each other.

I think that people are led to believe the excitement should never fade so when it does they assume something is wrong and bail. Of course the excitement is going to fade. Your relationship is growing, and maturing. The things that mattered in the beginning don’t matter when you connect with someone on a real level.

Looking back, I don’t miss the “newness." What my husband and I have is a genuine deep connection, where every day we choose to love one another to the best of our ability. He is my best friend and the only one I ever want to be with. Yes, the initial excitement is gone, but it has paved a way for things we never imagined.