Forgive and forget?

Last night Josh and I had an interesting conversation about the phrase, “Forgive but never forget.” I can’t recall exactly how it got brought up, but it was interesting to discuss our views on the phrase that gets tossed around every now and again.

Josh doesn’t like the phrase because he feels that if you have truly forgiven someone you shouldn’t hold on to the offense. My stance was that the phrase makes sense because forgiving someone doesn’t mean that what happened no longer exists and you have the right to tread carefully in the future.

As we dove deeper into the conversation, we realized our differing opinions stemmed from the fact that we see people differently.

When Josh meets someone he has little to no expectations about who they are or how they will act. He doesn’t assume everyone is decent and he takes things in stride. As he develops relationships his expectations will rise, but he doesn’t have high expectations in the beginning.

On the other hand, when I meet someone I immediately have high expectations. I assume that people will treat me the way I treat them and it is only after they have wronged me that my opinion changes.

Since I don’t guard myself in the beginning, it is easier for me to get hurt and be let down. So to me, the phrase, “forgive but never forget” makes sense. I am able to forgive the offense, but in the process I am learning more about the individual. I believe that actions reveal a person’s true nature and if you have already been hurt once, it is foolish to put yourself in a position to be hurt in the same way again.

It was interesting to have this discussion and realize the differences Josh and I have in the way we view people. Especially since it’s been apparent within the last year that I need to be more cautious of how high my expectations are. (Unfortunately, there have been several instances where I was let down by someone I admired because of decisions they made).

I’m sure there is a balance between seeing the good in people while also allowing room for error, but I haven’t found it yet. Maybe in the future I will, it sure would help keep me from being disappointed!