Grace

Have you ever had moments in your life that you look back on and completely regret? A nasty exchange with someone you care about, a snide comment meant to trigger someone, or just a complete display of poor judgement?

Of course you have. I’ll stand here and say that you would be lying if you said you didn’t.

We all have those moments where we give in to the monster inside of us and let it run free. Then we stand in the wake of our mishap, maybe ashamed, definitely embarrassed, and we try to correct the wrong.

I will admit to my fair share of these moments. Most often they are with the people I care about most in the world. For some reason it’s the people we love the most that tend to get the brunt of our ugly side. Maybe it’s because we know (and hope) on some crazy level they will love us despite that streak of ugliness.

Well, the reason I bring it up, is yesterday I had one of those moments. I was overcome by frustration and fear, soaking wet after having just spent 20 minutes in the pouring rain trying to coax our puppy back into the house. He had gotten out of his collar and was running through the mud and puddles. I was terrified he would run into the street and get hit by a car, and he wouldn’t come to me for any of the things he normally loves. Harvey was running wild.

By the time I finally got him in the house and crated him, the frustration and fear had bubbled up inside of me and the tears fell. I was angry that Harvey wouldn’t listen to me, and frustrated he was able to get out of his collar.

My husband was at work and in my emotional state I wanted him to know how upset I was. I sent him a snotty message and proceeded to cry out my frustration.

Then I sat on my coffee table (because I was still soaking wet) and examined myself. I was immediately ashamed I had texted my husband. He had been putting in long hours, going in early, and dealing with enough curve balls this week. He didn’t need my attitude.

When Josh called me, I explained what happened and apologized. But then the craziest thing happened. Josh apologized to me for having to deal with it! I was shocked and even more embarrassed now. It wasn’t his fault, he wasn’t even there to witness it, but he apologized. He could have easily come back to me with attitude, but instead received me with grace.

I’ve said it before, but I truly feel that my husband’s love blesses me with a glimpse of Christ’s love. It isn’t contingent on my mood, or my ability to be perfect, or treat him like he deserves. It’s unconditional and in the moments when I don’t deserve it, he receives me with grace.

It’s reminiscent of Jesus’ love for me, and only a miniscule fraction at that! I am so humbled to be able to glimpse, in my human capability of comprehension, the kind of love Jesus has for me. And I am so thankful he blessed me with my husband.